


love's the only thing we leave behind

by comelayinmybed



Series: no limit to your love [3]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F, LOHBTOS, NLTYL, Still a few BOOMs left
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-23 04:39:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17073638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comelayinmybed/pseuds/comelayinmybed
Summary: “I know that if there were different circumstances, we would probably have children.”Nicole pulled back abruptly and looked at Waverly solemnly, “I would never keep you from this, if it’s what you really want.”Waverly smiled through the tears that were pooled in her eyes, and cupped Nicole’s cheek. “Don’t you understand? I only need you too, Nicole Haught. I think we are a fine pair and if that’s all we’ll ever be, then I am okay with that.”Nicole turned her head and kissed Waverly’s hand in assurance. “I will do everything I can to make you happy.”“Oh Love, you already do…”





	1. a fine pair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know that if there were different circumstances, we would probably have children.”
> 
> Nicole pulled back abruptly and looked at Waverly solemnly, “I would never keep you from this, if it’s what you really want.”
> 
> Waverly smiled through the tears that were pooled in her eyes, and cupped Nicole’s cheek. “Don’t you understand? I only need you too, Nicole Haught. I think we are a fine pair and if that’s all we’ll ever be, then I am okay with that.”
> 
> Nicole turned her head and kissed Waverly’s hand in assurance. “I will do everything I can to make you happy.”
> 
> “Oh Love, you already do…”

**2019.**

Nicole was standing in the kitchen, tossing a huge salad, an almost empty beer beside her on the counter, when Waverly sauntered into the kitchen.

“Sergeant Haught, Are you drinking non-alcoholic beer?” Waverly asked, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

“Yes, but I just wanted the whole Fourth of July Experience.”

“Of all the ways to celebrate, you had to drink something that gross? I hope you’re not planning on kissing me after that,” Waverly admonished.

Nicole grinned. “We’re celebrating you being home for our nation’s birthday and there’re steaks for the grill for Wynonna, Doc and me, and roasted corn for you, and I just keep thinking that I’ll have you in my bed for two whole months.”

“Theoretically…” mentioned Waverly, knowing full well her job with BBD could pull her away at any time.

“I’m counting on it. Besides, we have a lot of catching up to do. At least your break on the task force came when election season is not in overdrive, and Nedley has decided he’s going to hold the reins tightest right before he announces his retirement this winter. He’s barely left me with anything to do lately now that I’m only teaching one class and moving towards administration over education. “

“Is he really going to retire?”

“I think so. Chrissy getting married...and pregnant…I think he wants to be available to spend more time with his family,” Nicole rationalized, taking a long pull of her beer.

“I can’t believe she’s pregnant. She doesn’t even like Xavier half the time, how is she supposed to have a kid with him?” Waverly asked critically.

Nicole couldn’t help herself from laughing and the beer threatened to come out her nose. She covered it with her wrist and put the bottle down as she attempted to control herself. “Waves! That’s…honest…”

“I mean, neither of them are cut out to be parents.”

“Who is these days?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty happy we don’t have to worry about that right now.”

Nicole furrowed her brow and looked up at the fluorescent lights of the kitchen before finally asking, “Worry about what?”

“You knocking me up. Because from the amount of sex we’re going to be having, it would definitely happen,” Waverly said as she slid between Nicole and the counter, pressing her body against the redhead and pulling her hand around her waist, drawing Nicole down into a long, languid kiss.

Nicole picked up Waverly easily, sitting her atop the counter, the salad bowl jostling but fortunately not spilling its contents, and popped the button on her barely-there shorts before she could think to reply, “It is one of the truly awesome things about being gay. You can’t just oops a baby into being…” she mentioned as she proceeded to place kisses all along Waverly’s neck.

“I’m so good with us not worrying about that right now…” Waverly remarked distractedly.

“You’re home and we’re together and we get to actually cohabitate for longer than two weeks. I’m okay with not thinking about kids for the foreseeable future…” Nicole confirmed as she continued to trail her mouth down Waverly’s body, leaving damp circles on her bright red tank top.

“Please proceed to not get me pregnant right now…even if you do smell like beer...” was all Waverly could think to request as Nicole’s hand slid below the zipper.

**2020.**

Waverly lay on their bed, smiling eagerly, “Come on, it can’t be that bad.”

Finally, Nicole emerged slowly from the bathroom, dressed in an elf costume, trepidation written all over her face.

Waverly smiled with glee as she rose from the bed, “Okay…wait…I’ve got something that will help,” as she leaned up and completed the look with an elf’s hat, “There, now you’re fully elfed. I feel like I should knight you with a candy cane.”

Nicole chuckled, mostly in good humor, but also in frustration, “I’m ready to get my Kringle on…” she sighed as she sat on the bed.

“But Nedley really does make the perfect Santa. It’s his only real contribution now that he’s retired. He should be getting better at kids now that Robyn is here. Besides, I’m going to come watch you check the wine moms for clandestine flasks and ensure they know what their kids are asking for at Christmas.”

“Ugh…I’m glad this is just one event. I want to spend all the free time I have with YOU. You’re only home until after the new year and…”

“I promise, when you’re done after tonight’s festivities, I am going to make sure Santa knows who’s been naughty,” Waverly husked as she pushed her hands against Nicole’s chest and down her torso towards her hips.

“Remind me to take the ears off first,” Nicole requested before kissing Waverly hard, then pushing away, “Off I go to GermX my night away with snotty kids and their exhausted parents!”

Nicole swiftly exited the bedroom, the front door slamming closed a few seconds later, as Waverly fell back down to the bed and pursed her lips together, “…snotty kids and exhausted parents, eh?” she asked rhetorically to an absent girlfriend.

* * *

 In the haze of Christmas holidays, time flying all too fast, Waverly almost forgot the aside of kids and parents, but right before New Years she decided it was probably time to broach the subject. It was a quiet Sunday and she’d curled up on the couch reading, Nicole dozing on her lap as Waverly sifted her fingers through longer strands than she remembered.

“Are you growing your hair out, babe?”

“I guess I’ve just been busy and haven’t really had time to get it trimmed. I can make an appointment tomorrow if you don’t like it.”

“No, I actually do. I had no idea you were so busy at the Academy right now since it’s between classes.”

“It’s not that so much. Senator Walters has me on several committees and we’ve been working towards a lot more community involvement well before the next election. I wanted to keep as busy as possible while you’ve been gone and this was a good way.”

“I could tell the other night that you know everyone in Berkeley now. You were talking to all the parents at the Christmas parade and even the night Nedley was Santa, and you were all…elfed up…” Waverly chortled at the memory.

“Thanks, Waves…I know it wasn’t my best moment, but the kids seemed to like it.”

“The kids loved it, Nicole. But I think it’s because you’re so good with them. You treat each one as if they’re the only child in the universe when you’re talking to them.”

“Because they are, Waverly…” she answered through a yawn.

Moments ticked by, Waverly never stopping the constant motion of her fingers through Nicole’s hair, soothing her forwards towards blissful sleep. Until she abruptly stopped. “We never had that talk.”

“What talk?” Nicole whispered.

“About having kids…” Waverly held her breath.

Nicole pulled her hand, flung over the edge of the couch and previously resting on the floor, to drag up Waverly’s leg in gentle comfort and leaned over to slowly kiss her knee. “Do you want to talk about that now?” she asked simply.

“I think I do.”

Nicole pushed up and turned over, but kept her head in Waverly’s lap, looking up at her adoringly as she waited.

“The other day you said that kids were snotty and their parents were exhausted and if that’s the idea you hold about having kids then maybe it’s not something you really want to consider doing,” Waverly released in one long breath.

Nicole’s eyebrows raised in surprise. She had definitely said those things. She weighed her response carefully before finally speaking. “I think that a lot of people are parents because it’s something they fell into for one reason or another. I mean, I’m pretty sure we’re both here because of an accident.”

“Nicole!”

“What?! You just found out Ward wasn’t your dad like two months ago, Waverly. I’ve told you how my mom explained to me how there were accidents, happy accidents but…accidents nonetheless...when she was giving me The Talk as a teenager. God she must have been in real denial I was gay, or maybe just knowing how horny teenagers are….I digress. The point is, I think a lot of parents aren’t good at it, not because they don’t love their children, but because it wasn’t their plan.”

“So you don’t want kids?”

Nicole sat up then and collected her thoughts, her heart, afraid she was going to break Waverly’s if she didn’t explain herself clearly.

“I love you so much, Waverly. I would do anything for you, you know that, right?”

Waverly nodded and took ahold of Nicole’s hands lying on the sofa between them, a connection. “I would do anything for you too, Nicole.”

“I think, if it were just…how do I say this?” Nicole groaned in frustration. “I think if it were…fine, I’ll just say it…if we were straight and it was a possibility and not something we might not have to try so hard for, and it happened…I would be nothing but full of joy. _Nothing but joy_ , Waverly,” she said as she leaned in and kissed Waverly’s cheek gently.

“But we’re not, and that’s not…” Waverly understood, she reiterated, “...and besides, it would have to be the right time and the right place. It would have to be part of our plan. And I know this sounds really old-fashioned, but I’d want to be married too.”

“Waverly Earp, I have **every** intention of marrying you.”

“I’m going to take your name…”

A smile crested on Nicole’s face, her dimple popping in surprise. “You are?”

“I’m not an Earp. I’m not a…whatever my dad was, who even knows? I am **_yours_ **, Nicole Haught and I would gladly take your name.” Waverly confirmed.

Nicole ran her hands up Waverly’s arms, to her neck, and around her cheeks, pulling her into a firm, full kiss. “You are the best thing that ever happened to me, and definitely the best thing that will ever happen to the Haught name.”

“Our kids would have your name too…” Waverly whispered.

Nicole pulled back slightly from the kiss, her forehead resting against Waverly. “So you **do** want kids?”

“I want you to want them.”

Nicole didn’t open her eyes and she didn’t pull away. “I do, Waverly. Ever since last fall when we were in the mountains and I saw you with Perry’s little boy, I can’t quite get it out of my head…”

“Oh…” Waverly choked out.

“I’m scared, Waverly. I didn’t handle it so well when you were initially gone on the Bulshar assignment; I got better at being alone, but it’s still really hard to be away from you for months at a time. It would be really hard to be almost a...a single parent…”

Waverly shook her head in agreement. She had considered being away from their children on assignment as she considered all the different variations of their future for the last several months. She had come to the conclusion that if they did ever have children, she would resign or take a different position with BBD. She couldn’t be away from their babies for any length of time without it destroying her. But Waverly knew she had other concerns and she was fairly certain Nicole had those as well.

“I’ve thought about that too and I would move to a different position with BBD. And if there wasn’t one, I would resign. Our family would always come first, Nicole. There will obviously be times when one of us won’t be here, whether I am on assignment or you are campaigning,” Waverly leaned in and stroked the back of Nicole’s neck, their faces still close together, she could see all the fear still in Nicole’s eyes. She noticed how her words of encouragement didn’t seem to be calming Nic as much as she’d hoped.

“...I want us to have all the things we’ve dreamed of, including you being a Senator, Nicole. Part of being the firsts at everything is figuring it out along the way...but I feel like this isn’t just about us being good parents, is it?”

Nicole shook her head, tears slipping down her cheeks as she could no longer hold them inside. She knew she had to be honest with Waverly.

“What if something happened and…” Nicole choked on a sob. She knew she had to be honest with Waverly. They were always honest with each other. It just hurt so much to say it out loud. But Waverly knew...Waverly always knew.

“You couldn’t hear them?”

“Right…”

Waverly leaned in and pulled Nicole as close to her as she could, shushing her, soothing the pain of the words away as best she could.

“I’m terrified of that too. What if I don’t see them? They hit a certain age and they’re gone in a flash or into something they shouldn’t be and I only have a small window of vision...” she admitted.

It had always been in the back of her mind. As hard as Waverly had trained herself to accommodate her vision loss, she was secretly afraid she would never hit the learning curve with an infant and then it was just a process she would already be behind in. She couldn’t compete with the speed and fearlessness of a toddler, a preschooler, any child that needed her to take care of them - to see what was coming. She would fail completely, she feared.

Waverly had known Nicole carried those same fears. When they had both dreamed of their futures, years before finding each other, they didn’t have disabilities to contend with. It was simple to consider having children. But now...now it was different. Concessions weren’t something that could be made with a child. Nicole spoke then, as if she could read Waverly’s mind.

“I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to our baby, Waverly...I could never forgive myself. You might never forgive me either. I...I’m not sure I can risk that. _I need you_. I love you and I need you, Waverly. I will only ever need you.”

“Come here,” Waverly gather Nicole up into her arms and rocked them quietly. “You’ve just been saying things about snotty kids and exhausted parents because it makes it seem less like something we would do or even want...” Nicole nodded against her, “I know that if there were different circumstances, we would probably have children.”

Nicole pulled back abruptly and looked at Waverly solemnly, “I would never keep you from this, if it’s what you really want.”

Waverly smiled through the tears that were pooled in her eyes, and cupped Nicole’s cheek. “Don’t you understand? I only need you too, Nicole Haught. I think we are a fine pair and if that’s all we’ll ever be, then I am okay with that.”

Nicole turned her head and kissed Waverly’s hand in assurance. “I will do everything I can to make you happy.”

“Oh Love, you already do…”

**2021.**

Waverly paced stoically in the waiting room for Labor & Delivery at UCSF Medical Center. She stared at her feet as if she half-expected them to wear a hole into the tile after a hundred laps or so. Nicole sat in the corner, her iPhone in front of her, but her eyes on Waverly.

Wynonna had been in labor for what Nicole would characterize as “forever”, but Waverly had only gotten to the hospital about an hour previously, requisitioning a car and driver from BBD’s state office in Sacramento when she was finally done with a week-long top secret project. She had been an angerball at their requirement that she not communicate with her family, knowing Wynonna was due anytime, and jetted on her first listen to the 238 voicemails she had when she came out of the deprivation tank. _Don’t ask_ , she had warned Nicole as she beckoned the new agent behind the wheel to gun it down Interstate 80, trying all at the same time to get all of the details on the current status of the impending birth of Baby Holliday via her cell.

Wynonna and Doc had decided not to find out the gender of the baby and Nicole was pretty sure it might not end up being a Holliday in name either after Doc had emerged a few hours previously with a swollen hand and ice. He dared to return to Wynonna’s room as the time grew increasingly close and now everyone was expecting the announcement of the birth at any moment. Nicole finally stood in preparation of corralling Waverly into a seat when the double-doors opened and Doc emerged, his face plastered in disbelief and joy.

“It is a girl. We have a girl!” he announced, crowding into their surrounding friends and family who offered congratulations and cheers. Waverly bent into his chest and hugged him tightly before pulling away, her eyes glistening, to look for Nicole, who stood a foot or so away and offered the kindest smile Waverly thought she had ever seen.

Nicole reached out and took Waverly’s hand, pulling her close, and kissed her forehead. “You knew all along.”

“I can’t wait to meet her.”

Nicole moved them silently to the outside of the revelry and through the doors, asking at the nurses station for Wynonna’s room. They entered it moments later and Waverly quietly gasped when she saw the tiny baby in her sister’s arms.

“Can we?” Nicole started to ask, but Wynonna motioned them in and Waverly bolted to her bedside, gazing down at the newborn.

“Wy, she’s so little,” Waverly caressed her miniature fingers and toes with the slightest touch, overwhelmed until she finally tore her eyes away and looked at Wynonna. “Did you name her what you said?”

“Alice, after John Henry’s mother...it fits her somehow,” she confirmed adoringly. “Do you want to hold her?”

“Of course,” she said even as Wynonna was already handing the baby over to Waverly. Nicole stood against the wall in wonderment at how Waverly held Alice, how she was so careful and precious...she realized words couldn’t explain this new feeling she had for her wife.

Waverly whispered words of love and devotion to the child for a few moments, rocking her gently, bonding with her immediately. Finally she walked over to Nicole and made to hand the baby over. Nicole was a little unsure with the delicate transfer, but succeeded all the same to cradle the infant to her chest as she gurgled and cooed at being introduced to another new family member. But then she opened her eyes so widely, the blue sparking a deep crevice into Nicole’s heart, and she was overwhelmed with how much she could love someone she had never seen before today.

“Wow…” was all she could manage.

* * *

Hours later, when they were able to finally tear themselves away from the hospital because everyone needed sleep, Nicole parked the Jeep in their driveway and cut the engine. Neither of them had the energy, nor the eagerness, to leave the solitude and singularity of the events of the momentous day.

“She’s going to be so spoiled,” Waverly finally admitted.

“Wynonna is young; she could have more kids.”

“She basically told me if she ever lets Doc near her again, he’ll need documentation he’s been snipped,” Waverly chuckled.

“I know they certainly didn’t plan this, but I feel like Alice was meant to be.”

“Me too. A new baby…I never thought we’d see that in our family,” Waverly confessed.

They sat in silence, still unable to move, their minds wondering over all the possibilities and impossibilities. Finally Nicole took only Waverly’s hand, continuing to stare out the windshield in fear. “Do you think we made a mistake?”

“Absolutely not. I think Alice is a gift and we will get to share her life and shower her with all the love we would have given our own children. If it is enough for you, it’s enough for me.”

**2023.**

Waverly strolled through their modern ranch house with Alice on her hip, cradling her favorite Eeyore plushy to her chest, completing various tasks as she went along, as if she knew no other way of being. Nicole just watched her casually from the family room, her MacBook open on her lap, working on a speech for the rally in which she was scheduled to appear the following weekend. After the third circle through the house, she cleared her throat loudly enough that Waverly came out of her domestic daze and stopped momentarily to check in.

“You need something, sweetheart?” she called.

“You know Alice doesn’t need to be carried the entire time she’s here. She’s perfectly happy to play with her blocks on the rug…”

“It’s still chilly, Nicole.”

“I will build a fire, Waverly,” came the retort, “or she can watch a show…”

“I don’t want her constantly exposed to media.”

“You are literally singing that new Taylor Swift song under your breath and you have been for the last hour.”

Waverly huffed, “Fine…I just want her with me when she visits,” she explained even as she put Alice down, the toddler bounding towards Nicole instantly. Nicole scooped her up and lavished her with kisses and tickles, the squeals echoing off the high ceiling. Waverly grinned at the adorable moment and shook her hand dismissively. “I see your game, Ms. Haught, and if you wanted to play with the baby, you should’ve just asked.”

Nicole swung Alice up and held her at an angle, blowing raspberries on her belly, “You tell Auntie Waves you’re not a baby! You’re a big girl who wants to play with blocks and help Auntie Nic write this boring speech about taxes today.”

Waverly’s face moved from joy to sadness in a beat and Nicole immediately realized something was wrong. She placed Alice on the couch and politely asked her to sit still while she checked on her wife. She kept an eye on Alice even as she moved across the room and came to stand in front of Waverly, her hands running up and down her arms in an attempt to comfort without knowing exactly what was happening. “Baby, talk to me…”

“She’s growing up so fast, Nicole. I just want to keep her a baby forever and she’s getting so big. I can barely carry her anymore.”

“She’s almost two, Waverly. You shouldn’t be carrying her everywhere for a lot of reasons. Yes, she’s growing up…but she’s not even two yet. We have a lot of time left with her being a stinky, sticky toddler and…”

“We’re going to miss things. We missed her first step,” Waverly interrupted Nicole’s explanation.

“We went on vacation, for the first time since we got married, for a weekend, it’s going to happen. Even if she lived with us, sometimes we’re going to miss things, Waverly,” Nicole consoled.

“I’m afraid of how much more we could be missing out on, Nicole.”

“Baby, talk to me…”

“Tonight, after Alice goes home. I think maybe we should see if there’s something else for us?”

* * *

That night as the couple got ready for bed, Nicole patiently waited for Waverly to open up. They changed, brushed their teeth, set their alarms for the next day, and finally crawled into bed. Waverly pressed against Nicole whispering, “hold me”, as she tucked her head under Nicole’s chin. She rubbed Waverly’s back as she felt her take a deep breath.

““I don’t think I can go my entire life without children, Nicole. I’m constantly at Chrissy’s with Robyn and I just can’t believe she’s starting kindergarten next year. Alice is so smart! She seems like she’s older because she can already speak so well. And I just feel like their parents have more of a purpose…”

Nicole cut into Waverly’s explanation, “You have a purpose, Waverly. You do so many important things, things no one else could do, especially the way you do them.”

“I love coming home to you Nicole. I love our life. I just feel like...something’s missing. It was easy to say this wouldn’t happen when we were first together and married, but what if this is one of those things we were supposed to be first at.”

“Maybe being a pair isn’t enough anymore?” Nicole asked fearfully.

Waverly laughed through the emotions stuck in her throat, “Oh, we’d be a pair even more so with kids - us against them sometimes, babe.”

“Okay, then. I’m not sure how we...what we...should do...but we won’t go our entire lives without children if this is what you really want.”

Waverly blinked a few times, furrowing her brow, and cleared her throat. “Okay...but what do you want Nicole?”

“I want you to be happy but I’m still terrified at the thought of us having a baby, Waverly,” she confessed.

“We could adopt,” stammered Waverly.

Nicole met Waverly’s eyes again and a watery smile crept onto her face. “Yeah?”

“It will take some time to meet the requirements. Background checks and home visits and interviews with social workers. But then we could foster? Or...I don’t know…eventually adoption? But a child who-“

Nicole cut her off, “Is older? Who maybe needs…”

“Someone like us,” Waverly completed.

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Baby, I had thought about that. We’ve been doing so many outreach programs at the Academy. And then when we go out campaigning, all the different situations I find kids in. I…”

“You want to help them all, of course you do. That’s the woman I married,” Waverly assured.

“So we’ll try this?” Nicole asked hesitantly.

Waverly shook her head adamantly. “I think this is where we start.”

**2025.**

Abby Miller stood in the foyer of the Haught residence and whispered apologies to Nicole. As the social worker they dealt with primarily, she was just as shocked as they were when the mother of the girl they had been fostering was released from her detention center and promptly regained custody of Katie despite her history of drug use and occasional prostitution.

Waverly was shushing Katie as she emerged from her room, three duffel bags of clothes and toys hanging from her arms. Nicole moved quickly to take them from Waverly and ushered them towards the front door. She swiftly exited and went to Abby’s van, loading up everything they had bought for Katie in the short time she had been with them. Her eyes burned and she swallowed the lump in her throat over and over. _How could this be happening again so soon?_ Four kids in less than two years and each time they poured out their entire heart and soul only to have it shredded soon after. _I should be numb to this by now_ , Nicole thought sadistically.

Ever-patient, Waverly made sure Katie’s shoes were tied and her hair brushed. She smoothed down the dress on the doll that Katie clutched tightly and then kissed her cheek. “Everything is going to be okay,” she promised even as tears welled in her eyes.

Nicole moved behind Waverly and touched her hip lightly, moving her as she picked up Katie with little effort. She soothed her with empty promises that they would see her soon and she could come back. Katie wrapped her fat fingers around Nicole’s neck and pecked a slobbery kiss onto her cheek, “I come back soon and you swing me?” referring to how Nicole would take Katie out to the little playground they had put in last fall when they were approved for fostering, and hopefully someday adoption. She and Katie had a daily date after work and it was the highlight of both’s day.

“Every time you’re here, I promise,” Nicole said, knowing it was an assurance she needn’t worry about keeping. She carried Katie to Abby’s car and fastened her in the carseat, kissing her solemnly even as she could hear Waverly stifling sobs from the porch.

“I know it’s easy to lose faith, Nicole, especially when this one seemed like it was going to last. But you and Waverly have such giving hearts,” Abby paused, searching for the words, “...hearts that are in the right place for fostering and someday adoption. You have strength I haven’t seen in a lot of couples and you give the children the attention they need to thrive. Hold out…I know the right one is coming to you eventually,” she consoled.

Nicole put on her best brave face and shook her head in acknowledgment of the possibility, more than the probability. She waved politely as Abby drove away with the sunshine that had been their life for too short atime. Turning, she found Waverly crumpled on the steps of the porch and she hurried to her, taking her in her arms. She rocked Waverly as the evening turned chilly and finally the sniffles quieted. Nicole leaned them against the post and rubbed Waverly’s back as the sun set.

“I don’t think I can keep doing this,” Waverly confessed.

Nicole waited patiently, sensing Waverly had more to say.

“I keep thinking…this one, this one is The One, and we open up our home and our lives and rearrange everything, and bring them into our family, and take them to our park with Alice, and then Abby shows up and they’re just…gone.”

Nicole continued listening intently. Her mind echoed Waverly’s.

“I can’t keep letting pieces of my heart go, Nicole. I want to trust this, like I learned to trust you all those years ago, but everything just keeps…breaking.”

Then Waverly was done. She had spoken her piece and she leaned back into Nicole’s embrace and sighed heavily. She had tried to be so strong for Waverly, for their marriage, for the idea of them being parents, doing it this way, in the system, and what had it gotten them? What had it gotten her? Her heart seized in her chest at the thought of never seeing Katie again, or Lou, or Jay, or Jenna.

“We should take a break. I mean, we should go on a vacation,” no, that wasn’t all Nicole meant, “but we should also take a break from fostering. Maybe we should just go back to being spectators for awhile.”

Waverly laughed then and Nicole had no idea why. It almost hurt and she didn’t know if it was because Waverly was laughing at her or something else, “What?”

“Chrissy is pregnant again!”

Nicole sighed and hugged Waverly closer to her, but sensed it was okay to let them be a bit shallow finally. “That’s just being greedy. They already have Lexi and Robyn, how many kids do they need?!”

Waverly couldn’t help but laugh and she turned and kissed Nicole’s cheek. “I bet if we waited till right after this one was born, she and Xavier would be too exhausted to try and stop us…we could just steal him.”

“This one is a boy?” queried Nicole.

“I think so,” Waverly was confident and shifted against Nicole, her mood lightening. “I haven’t been wrong yet.”

**2027.**

After Katie, Nicole and Waverly had called Abby and let her know they needed some time before fostering again. They focused on ushering Alice into her first year of Pre-K, and on their careers. Nicole was going to run for Senator Walters’ seat, with her endorsement, when the retirement was announced in the spring. She was already Commander at the Academy and had Jeremy and several other good officers under her to facilitate the day-to-day administration while she focused on community service and preparing for an eventual election. Waverly was eyeing an open Chief Inspector position with the U.S. Marshal’s office after serving the last two years on a human trafficking task force. The investigations and sheer brutality Waverly had witnessed had taken a real toll on her mentally and emotionally. She was waiting on one last case to close and then she was hopefully heading to a position that afforded her a more regular schedule and didn’t leave her crying on her drive home after each assignment.

Christmas Day entailed a drive up to the Homestead for dinner and gifts and a snowball fight or two, but for now, Waverly and Nicole were enjoying a quiet Eve, snuggled together near their fireplace with books and coffee, making out like teenagers as they had finally learned to be happy, alone together again. Their bodies toasty from both the fire and the amount of heat they had generated with each other, they dozed carelessly now, Reese on his dog bed, trading snores with Nicole and Waverly as late morning slid into early afternoon. Nicole didn’t even realize she was napping until Waverly pushed a cold hand against her thigh, “Nic…Nicole…I have to go into work for a few hours.”

Nicole roused with a childlike demeanor and attempted to pull Waverly back down against her, though her wife grounded herself, already dressed and in a heavy down coat, mittens and a scarf. The weather was being particularly cruel this winter and she was layering as best she could to combat the chill outside her bonus blanket. She pecked a kiss to Nicole’s lips and then pushed her away.

“They finally found that last transfer truck and I just have to go log it into evidence as part of the overall investigation. It was empty from what I hear, so it’ll be a couple hours at most. The car will be here any moment now. Do you want Chinese for dinner?”

Nicole settled against the arm of the sofa, resigned to losing her wife for a few hours that she would quickly wile away with more naps. “Yes, baby, that would be great.”

“Okay, then. I love you,” Waverly said as she leaned down and kissed Nicole more fervently.

Nicole did indeed nap away the first three hours. By hour five her stomach was rumbling, but she didn’t want to seem rude by eating without Waverly. She milled around the house, cleaning up and making sure the presents were ready to go for tomorrow’s drive.

Nicole had learned over the years that Waverly always reached out if there were issues or if she knew Nic was worried and just needed assurances. Nic rarely texted Waverly but it was now growing late and it was Christmas Eve. Surely exceptions could be made. Finally, a conglomeration of worry and anxiety got the better of her and she sent a quick attempt at a  casual check-in to her wife.

N: Waves, it’s late. Everything okay?

W: Sorry, baby. Had something come up we were totally unprepared for.

N: Need me to come pick you up?

W: No, we’re getting in the car now. Will be home shortly.

N: Okay. Love you.

W: Love you always.

Fifteen minutes later, a familiar van pulled into the circular drive of the Haught residence. Needless to say, Nicole was a bit surprised to see Waverly catching a ride home with Abby Miller. She opened their front door and then stood on the porch, her feet cemented to the spot she came to when she saw Waverly move to open the sliding van door. Abby joined her and Nicole could only hear muffled conversation and a furtive glance from Waverly before she yanked the handle.

A tiny boy, confined in his car seat, with a new stuffed rabbit clutched to his chest, looked up to Waverly expectantly. She unfastened him and went to pull him out, but he protested with a small hand flung out towards hers, and slid his little body down the upholstery until his feet hit the pavement. Nicole smirked, _he’s a defiant one_.

He did allow Waverly to take his hand then, walking them up the steps to Nicole, Abby a few feet behind. She watched him, mesmerized. He had wavy, auburn hair and green eyes and fair skin. He was clean and smelled of Ivory, wearing stiff jeans and a green and blue plaid shirt with the name “Charlie” embroidered on a white patch above the right-side pocket, all things that Nicole immediately knew had come to him in the last few hours. She reached out and touched the rabbit first, rubbing a thumb down between its oversized ears. The boy instinctively pulled the plushy away protectively, but it didn’t even faze Nicole. She reached out again and even as her hand ran down the ears of the bunny and touched the boy’s hand for the first time, she sighed, so enraptured she spoke incoherently.

 

“Sorry, Charlie…”

  
  
  
  



	2. sorry charlie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You want to adopt him, don’t you?”
> 
> “You don’t?”
> 
> “It hasn’t been long enough...I’m not ready,” Waverly dismissed, as she moved to set her tea aside and stand, Nicole taking her hand softly.
> 
> “You never want to love anyone until it’s the ‘right time’, Waves...but we’ve been loving you all along, and we’ll still be here, loving you, when your plan comes together, when you’re ready to promise forever this one last time.”

A tiny boy, confined in his car seat, with a new stuffed rabbit clutched to his chest, looked up to Waverly expectantly. She unfastened him and went to pull him out, but he protested with a small hand flung out towards hers, and slid his little body down the upholstery until his feet hit the pavement. Nicole smirked, _he’s a defiant one_.

He did allow Waverly to take his hand then, walking them up the steps to Nicole, Abby a few feet behind. She watched him, mesmerized. He had wavy, auburn hair and green eyes and fair skin. He was clean and smelled of Ivory, wearing stiff jeans and a green and blue plaid shirt with the name “Charlie” embroidered on a white patch above the right-side pocket, all things that Nicole immediately knew had come to him in the last few hours. She reached out and touched the rabbit first, rubbing a thumb down between its oversized ears. The boy instinctively pulled the plushy away protectively, but it didn’t even faze Nicole. She reached out again and even as her hand ran down the ears of the bunny and touched the boy’s hand for the first time, she sighed, so enraptured she spoke incoherently.

“Sorry, Charlie…”

Waverly was suddenly standing beside them and knelt down, covering Nicole’s hand with her own, “Can you stand with Ms. Abby while I talk to Nicole?”

The little boy nodded and turned, walking over to Abby, but didn’t offer her his hand. He sat on the steps of the porch and proceeded to trace the same path up and down the rabbit’s ears that Nicole had moments before.

Waverly ushered Nicole to the side of their porch in whispered tones and tried to downplay the situation. Nicole was preoccupied with where the boy was at all times, despite knowing full-well he was in good hands with Abby.

“I can only imagine what’s running through your mind,” Waverly started, trying to maintain eye contact despite the constant flitting to and from the boy from Nicole, “...that I should have talked to you before I showed up with a child, that we needed to discuss this because we had most definitely put a moratorium on fostering, and that it wasn’t something we were going to do again without a plan...we always have a plan…”

Nicole finally gathered herself and gave her full attention to Waverly. “We do,” was all she said.

Waverly swallowed hard and continued, “but when we were wrapping inspection of the truck, an officer found a compartment and he was just...there...Nicole. No one knows for how long or in what conditions. He was filthy, but seemed fine otherwise. We called Abby out and she brought the doctor on call. He checked out the boy and said he was dehydrated, but otherwise in good shape.”

“The doctor didn’t say he should be in a hospital?”

“Tomorrow night…” Waverly whispered.

Nicole leaned down. “What?”

“Abby and I convinced him not to leave the boy alone in a hospital on Christmas. We know, it’s extremely out of protocol but…”

“But you were certified to foster him and Abby vouched for you.” Nicole concluded.

“I told Doctor Strauss we’d bring him in after Christmas for a full evaluation. It’s just one day…”

“It’s Christmas Eve, Waverly…”

“Which is exactly why I had to bring him home.”

“Home?”

“Here. I couldn’t let him be alone.”

Nicole stood to her full height again and took in a deep breath. Her hand scratched at the back of her neck as she thought through the situation. She knew that ultimately she had no choice; Waverly had brought the kid to their house, on Christmas Eve, and there was nowhere else to go. She had cleared it with CPS and it was only 24 hours. And it wasn’t that Nicole begrudged Waverly the choice of bringing him with her, to their home, for one night. It was that she was immediately terrified that one day would be one week and then one month and then someone would show up to take him. Someone always did. She let a heavy sigh fall from her lips.

“What’s his name?”

“We don’t know. There was nothing in the truck to identify him and he...well, we don’t know if he can’t speak or just won’t…”

“So what do we call him?”

Waverly turned her head slowly towards the boy and back to Nicole, and shrugged her shoulders, “Charlie?”

“Charlie?”

“It’s better than John Doe.”

Nicole shook her head in affirmation because she couldn’t open her mouth. She couldn’t verbally agree to having their hearts broken again, the path she knew that lay before them. So she just shook her head in acquiescence and walked over to Charlie, kneeling down and holding out a hand. “Are you hungry, buddy? I bet Waverly forgot the Chinese, but I make a mean grilled cheese…”

* * *

In the midnight silence of their bedroom, Nicole finally spoke her truth.

“We’re taking him to the Homestead. We’ve never taken any of the kids there…”

Waverly turned towards Nicole, her hand sliding up the lean muscle of an arm as Nicole maintained her stare at the ceiling. “I know. I’m sorry…”

Nicole made to grab Waverly’s hand in understanding, “Don’t be sorry...I’m just scared, Waves.”

“Me too. I keep telling myself it’s just one night.”

“He’s special.”

“You feel it too?”

“From the moment I saw him refuse help out of Abby’s van. No one says no to you, Waverly.” Nicole chuckled.

Waverly joined her in a slight laugh but then turned serious. “He reached out to me from that box and I felt my heart rip in two. He wouldn’t go with anyone else, but finally I cajoled him out somehow. He’s so small, but the doctor said he might be seven or eight, maybe a preemie when he was born and just always little for his age he suggested,” she paused, her thumb tracing Nicole’s knuckles as they held hands in the dark, “He picked the shirt.”

“Charlie suits him.”

* * *

The three of them arrived later than expected to the Homestead on Christmas Day. It had taken a bit more time to get Charlie ready, made all the more difficult by his inability or refusal to verbally communicate.

Nicole and Waverly had sung Christmas songs all the way up to the Homestead and Charlie was smiling about an hour into their trip, thoroughly entertained by the goofiness they brought with them on Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer and Santa Claus Is Coming To Town. They were all lulled into a sense of love and family, a holiday mood permeating the forthcoming strife.

Wynonna had been most leery of the child and pulled Nicole aside in the kitchen soon after their arrival. “What was Waverly thinking??”

“She didn’t want him to be alone in a hospital on Christmas. Being with our band of misfits is better, though only by a slight margin, Wynonna,” she winked.

Wynonna completely ignored Nicole and continued her diatribe, “He won’t even speak to anyone, not even Waverly. It’s Waverly, for god sake!”

“Maybe he can’t speak…” suggested Nicole.

“Have you tried…”

“Sign language? Yes, three or four times. He gets the basics, but I’m pretty sure the sign for ‘eating’ is pretty universal.”

“So what do we think is his deal?”

“His deal? Well, he was left all alone in a dark hole for who knows how long and everyone he’s ever known in his life is gone or dead. So maybe he’s traumatized and that’s why he can’t speak. Maybe he got hurt. Maybe he’s afraid. I know I sure am.”

Wynonna’s expression turned soft and she offered a comforting hand on Nicole’s shoulder. “I thought you two were done with this, but I know you’d do anything for Waves...even if it’s going to break your heart again.”

“It’s just one day, Wynonna,” Nicole dismissed.

“Sure it is, Nicole…”

After all the gifts had been opened and dinner finished, Alice took Charlie outside with Reese. Charlie was already taken with their Australian Shepherd but when he began nipping at his shoestrings and tugging at the stuffed rabbit playfully, a peal of glee finally sprang forth from his lips. Nicole leapt from the chair she sat in by the window and moved to the door, but Waverly held her back with a hand wrapping around her wrist, “No, let him be,” she implored.  There was no further sound that day, but they both knew it was inside him now. They just had to free his voice.

* * *

Seventy-two hours later, Waverly and Nicole walked into Admitting at the hospital assigned to Charlie’s case and prepared to let him go. They had called Abby and wheedled an extra day after Christmas, and then one more, and finally she demanded they bring him in for a full exam, especially when they confessed he hadn’t really spoken over the span of two days. Now Charlie’s arms were wrapped around Nicole as he napped, his chubby fingers gripping the hair at the base of her neck, his rabbit smooshed in between their stomachs, as she shifted him slightly against her hip on approach to the nurses station. Waverly stepped forward after garnering the attention of the on-duty RN and politely asked for Doctor Strauss.

“He’s actually been called to an urgent matter away from the hospital this afternoon, Mrs. Haught. Was there something I could help you with? Is your son ill?” she said, motioning to Nicole and Charlie.

Just as Waverly was about to explain their circumstance, Abby appeared from a nearby exam room. “Waverly, Nicole, I’m sorry for the delay...I was behind on the evidence logs and thought I had missed something. Can you come with me?”

The nurse, seeing the issue was resolving itself, returned to her charts and Waverly and Nicole followed Abby into a family room in Pediatrics. They sat in crusty vinyl chairs as Abby pulled out folders regarding their current trafficking case, Charlie stirring only slightly, twisting his head so that his nose nudged Nicole’s neck and she snuggled him a bit closer unconsciously.

“Waverly, maybe I’m missing something,” she started, opening the top three folders, “but I’ve gone through all of these logs and even the CI tips and we don’t have any record of a child matching John’s…”

“Charlie,” Nicole corrected.

Waverly smiled and squeezed Nicole’s knee, “We’re calling him Charlie for now.”

“We don’t have any record of a child matching Charlie’s description,” she continued, “not one line, one indication that there was going to be a minor coming into the city on that truck, not even in the scheduled transfers going back three months. We were expecting young women and, as you know, that’s what we got. Granted-- more than we could have imagined, but no males were indicated for transport.”

Waverly looked at Abby incredulously and then took each file in her hand, careful with her time to read through any possible indication that a description of Charlie could be found. Nicole leaned back and allowed Charlie’s weight to pin her into the uncomfortable chair, pushing his hair from her cheek as it tickled slightly each time he sighed, his hand still twitching at her neck, assuring him with every breath that she still held him close.

Finally, Waverly looked up from all her research, “I don’t understand. It’s like he appeared out of thin air. There’s not one hint of a child coming across state or federal lines on this trafficking case. Surely, his father was the driver? Or his mother one of the young women?”

“We are going through all the examinations of the women and while some have given birth, none are old enough to have a six year old. At least that’s what Doctor Strauss estimated his age to be. We should do dental testing to see if we can figure out exactly how old he is and then maybe perhaps a match. As for the driver, he was gone before the first patrol car arrived, but surely, if this was his child, he would not have left him?”

“He would have left Charlie for the chance at a better life,” Nicole interjected, “a better life than he could give him. I would do that for my son.”

Waverly smiled at Nicole, a broken beautiful smile at the thought of their son and what Nicole would have sacrificed, possibly still would, but she gathered herself and gave the pragmatic suggestion to Abby. “I’ll start working on the driver and see if it was the regular or if it was someone new. What about Charlie?”

“We still need to do a full exam. He seems like he’s doing great in your care, but I know you said this was at most temporary situation, and that he would need to go to another foster home after Christmas if all was good medically…”

“We can keep him a few more days,” Nicole stated.

Waverly looked to her, mouth agape, as they had discussed this just hours before, knowing well that the longer they waited, the more attached they would become, the harder it would be to let go. It was Waverly who had said today was the day and that they should definitely not plan on him staying any further in their care.

“Babe, are you sure?”

“Abby, he has no one, right? This driver...it’s not like he can come in and…” she stopped, her voice breaking, “...take...take Charlie back, right?”

“Nicole, I’m not going to lie to you,” Abby countered. “We don’t know if his dad is even the driver, there’s no way to prove anything at this point. So if he shows up with a good enough story we might be hard pressed to keep him from taking Charlie back.”

“He can’t speak!” Nicole defended. “Obviously something terrible happened to him...they can’t just...give him back!”

“He doesn’t speak yet. Maybe that’s not the same thing. This is why we need a full exam and a doctor’s authorization to place him in foster care. That’s not on you, Nicole. You’re great people. You and Waverly have done more than anyone could have asked. I don’t want you to have false hope that…”

Nicole swallowed down the lump in her throat and looked at Waverly, who turned to Abby in a more rational manner than her wife was exhibiting. “Let’s get the exam and see what the parameters are for Charlie remaining in our care. I need to talk to Nicole and then we’ll make a decision.”

Abby seemed to understand that the couple needed a few moments to collect themselves and stood to take Charlie from Nicole. She begrudgingly relinquished him and they ran their hands through his hair as Waverly whispered to not be afraid and they’d see him again very soon. _Empty promises_ , thought Nicole.

When Abby had taken Charlie from the room and they were left alone, Waverly seated them facing one another and clasped Nicole’s hands in her own. “Baby, what were you thinking? You know we can’t take him home.”

“I’ve never asked anything of you when we had the other kids in our care. As many as you wanted to take on, I said yes, I supported you; I supported us being parents no matter the circumstances. We always went into it together. I am always with you. We are always a pair, us against the world. And it hurt every time they left. Whether or not I expressed it the same as you, I was just as devastated when they were taken from us.

“Secretly I was relieved when you finally said we should stop fostering. I didn’t know how much more my poor heart could take. It hurt for them to go and it hurt me so much to see you ache at their loss too. Someone was always there, just waiting in the background, to take them from us…”

“You don’t think anyone is going to take Charlie?” Waverly asked regretfully but still tinged with the slightest bit of hope.

“According to all of this,” Nicole said, her hand waving over the files, “he doesn’t even exist.”

“But you heard what Abby said. If the truck driver is American, he will come for his son and he’ll get him back.”

“I don’t think Charlie is American. Don’t ask me how, but I just feel like he’s…”

“ _A Christmas_ _miracle?_ ” Waverly finished. “I felt the same the moment I saw him in that dingy box, Nicole. I can’t explain it. I don’t think I want to...”

“If it doesn’t work out, I swear to you, Waverly, _I swear it_ , I will never ask you to sacrifice anything again. But let’s just give it this one last chance, please…” Nicole begged.

Waverly shook her head and initially Nicole thought she was going to say no, but as a tear began to fall down her cheek, she realized Waverly was just arguing with herself about how much she was willing to hurt over this little boy they had been gifted, “We’re going to have our work cut out for us,” she laughed through the tears, “He won’t even speak yet!”

* * *

Charlie passed all his physical exams with flying colors. The doctors said he was in perfect shape, about seven years old, if small for his age. He had no scars or identifying marks; he wasn’t in the dental registry, his DNA wasn’t in any national or international database...nor that of either of his parents. Abby said they would keep everything on file, but she assigned Charlie to the Haughts as a long-term foster child and scheduled a monthly home visit.

Other that his inability or refusal to speak, for there was nothing medically that was keeping him from talking, he thrived living with Nicole and Waverly. They showered him with affection and included him in everything. Waverly took him over to Wynonna’s regularly, the mile or so walk to the farmhouse growing easier as winter loosened its grip into spring. Alice and Charlie got along as if they had both been born into the same family. They even developed a sign language of their own. Meanwhile, Nicole was teaching him ASL just in case he ever wanted to communicate with more than various gestures towards his basic needs. And that was the thing about Charlie, he never asked for more than what was necessary. He kept his rabbit, Blue, captive 24/7 and was in therapy to eventually transition into the public school system. They started testing him at the rate of a much younger child, but he was learning fast.

“He’s gifted, Nicole...I know he can’t speak, but he literally figured out an algebraic equation today while I was taking a call from the main office,” Waverly argued as she stood in the kitchen cooking dinner and Nicole looked over the psychologist's latest report.

“He won’t speak,” Nicole replied, preoccupied with the suggestions on treatment.

Waverly stopped, her hand slung out with the spoon that had moments previously been stirring chili, “What?”

“He won’t speak...Waverly, I think it’s too soon to put him the school system,” Nicole said as she looked up and locked eyes with Waverly. “What did I say?”

“He won’t speak.”

“Yeah…”

“He ‘talks’ to Alice all the time. He signs with you, right?” Waverly confirmed, her brow worried with deep thought.

“He’s started using a bit of sign. It’s a slow process,” excused Nicole.

“He did hard math today, Nicole. I think he’s just not sure how to communicate with us.” she reasoned.

Nicole laid down the report and rubbed her temples as if what Waverly said didn’t really make sense, but then she offered up her own reasoning, “I think he’s afraid that once he says something, we’ll feel differently or treat him differently, and we’re all scared that the moment he speaks that we’ll have to send him out into the world. He doesn’t want to go; we don’t want him to go.”

“Oh…” Waverly said as she realized the things Nicole was saying had validity. She turned, trying to seem unassuming and began to stir the chilli again.

Nicole came up behind her a moment later and wrapped her arms around Waverly’s middle, her chin dipping into the crook of Waverly’s neck and kissed her cheek gently. “He feels safe with us. Speaking takes that away. Part of me doesn’t want it to change either, Waves, but we can’t keep him tucked away forever.”

Waverly let her body relax against Nicole’s, “You were the one that just said he’s not ready for public school.”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t selfish. I would do anything to protect him, but we both know he needs to see what it’s like to be a real boy.”

“Like Pinocchio?” Waverly giggled.

“Just like Pinocchio,” confirmed Nicole as she ran her nose up the line of Waverly’s neck and pulled an earlobe between her teeth for a moment, a shiver radiating from Waverly’s body in response.

“Do not distract me with your seduction techniques, Nicole Haught,” Waverly threatened, even as she left the spoon in the pan and turned to pull her wife in for a true, full kiss.

Nicole returned it enthusiastically and soon the smell of their ruined dinner filled the air, and they broke away so that Waverly could pull the smoking cauldron off the eye of the stove. Nicole turned around sheepishly as Charlie came in to the kitchen following the stench of burned meat. They were both beet red with embarrassment at being caught making out by the boy, but he leveled them with little effort in the next moment.

“I’m ready to go to school; Alice says it’s mostly fun. Can Mama make grilled cheese since you burned dinner, Mom?”

They both nodded silently, in complete shock, until Waverly finally elbowed Nicole who sprang into action, “Sure thing, buddy...one grilled cheese coming up.”

* * *

Though they placed Charlie in a grade below his estimated age bracket, he excelled and by the end of the school year, they knew he would test above grade level. Nicole attested it to all the history books Waverly read to him at night and then his absolute obsession with mythology. He came home every day with a new story about a Roman or Greek god that he had read in his afterschool group. He was good with math, but better at words, and had decided on occasion to argue his plan for summer vacation. He wanted to stay with Alice and Aunt Gus, who had moved from back East to the warmer California climate after retirement, even though Nicole said he should be going away to camp for a few weeks while Waverly settled in her new position at the US Marshal’s San Francisco office.

Selfishly Nicole also needed that time to mount her upcoming campaign against a ruthlessly progressive Republican opponent for her re-election to city council. She knew this was the last year, but she needed the local support for her bid to win Senator Walter’s Senate seat when she retired. Nicole had done everything she could to be the first and she wasn’t ready to see her public service end, but she also had to prepare her family for the possibility she would be away for long spans of time if and when she was elected to the Senate.

It was as if Charlie knew, he always knew, a sixth sense about Waverly and Nicole, about most everyone really, when they needed his understanding. Even now as Nicole sat with him at their dinner table, looking over brochures for all the options on summer camps, he waited patiently for her to offer her favored option.

“So, I was thinking this one because they have educational stuff in the mornings, like history which you love, but then art and sports on alternating days in the afternoon. Don’t you want to learn how to water-ski?”

Charlie contemplated the offer, his small index finger trailing after Nicole’s on the brochure that explained the activities the camp offered, “Mom is going to be here all the time now, but you’ll be leaving next year.”

“I’m not leaving, Charlie. I’m just going to work for a few months at a time in Washington, and that’s only if I get elected.”

“You’ll get elected, Mama, but come home a lot?”

“Every weekend, Charlie, I promise,” as she kissed his forehead.

“I don’t want to go anywhere…” he whispered.

“Like to camp?”

“Away...anywhere...away from you and Mom.”

“Charlie, we don’t want you to go anywhere either. This is your home, okay?”

Charlie nodded as Nicole continued, “Camp isn’t the same thing. Camp is an adventure, like Mom starting her new job or if I get to go to Washington next year. We’ll always come home to each other, okay?”

* * *

Later that night, well after they had put Charlie to bed, Nicole brought Waverly a cup of tea and sat across from her on their couch, an oddly suited preparation for what she wanted to discuss.

“Charlie is afraid of going away and never coming back…” she began.

“It’s been six months and every day I’m afraid we’re going to get a call that someone found his parents, Nicole.”

“I know, baby...But I still feel like he was our Christmas miracle. He belongs here with us.”

“He does and I love him very much. I love him like the miracle he has always been. He came into our lives like he’s always been here. And I want him to **always** be here, Nicole. But it’s been _six months_ , three of which he didn’t even speak for. We didn’t sleep for...I don’t know that either of us sleep through the night yet, waiting to hear him call out incoherently from a nightmare. We still have no idea what happened to him before that moment he was found in the truck…”

“He says he doesn’t remember,” Nicole interjected.

“Someday he might and what if we can’t help him? What if it’s too traumatic? Nic, what if he blames us for whatever happened to him? He might decide he doesn’t want to stay with us anymore and until we get to that point…”

“...Then you can’t plan for him to always be here…” Nicole surmised, but then continued, “But Waverly, what if that day never comes? What if we’re always waiting for something that’s never going to happen. Baby...that’s what being a parent is all about. We can’t protect Charlie from everything, but we can assure him that this is his home. We can promise to be his mothers forever, if that’s what he wants.”

“You want to adopt him, don’t you?”

“You don’t?”

“It hasn’t been long enough...I’m not ready,” Waverly dismissed, as she moved to set her tea aside and stand, Nicole taking her hand softly.

“You never want to love anyone until it’s the ‘right time’, Waves...but we’ve been loving you all along, and we’ll still be here, loving you, when your plan comes together, when you’re ready to promise forever this one last time.”

* * *

Charlie went to summer camp and Nicole and Waverly spent the week in each other’s arms, often naked, realizing how busy and exhausted they had been over the last seven months of learning to be parents.

“I don’t recall the others being like this,” Waverly whispered after their second afternoon tryst in as many days. Their panting had slowed but their sweat-slicked bodies remained pressed against each other motionless.

“I’m sorry, I know it was quick, I just felt like…” but Waverly cut her off, “not that...that’s pretty much always great…”

“Pretty much?” Nicole scoffed as if she took it personally.

Waverly pinched Nicole in retort, ignoring her otherwise before continuing, “Fostering Charlie is different. Some things seem so easy and some things are a million times harder than I remember them being with the other children.”

“Does it ever blow your mind that the first time he spoke to us, he called us his mothers?” Nicole asked the question that had been eating away at her for months now.

“For weeks I just pretended he wasn’t calling me Mom. I don’t even know why. It’s like he knew saying it would make me want to keep him here forever.”

“As if we didn’t want that anyway?”

“The way he calls you Mama makes my heart snap in two every single time I hear it, Nicole. I think he had you from that moment forward.”

“He had me from the second he slid out of that goddamn van, Waverly. I’m so scared of loving him too much. I always thought that this was something I was going to do for you, for us as a couple, to foster kids. I promised to give you every happiness I could…”

“You have, Nic, you always have,” Waverly said as she kissed Nicole’s chest, right at her heart, even as Nicole hugged her tighter.

“It’s not that I didn’t love the other kids, but I was…protecting myself…protecting you, first.”

“I always saw it in your eyes, always the strong one, letting me cry against you night after night until the pain lessened. And then giving in when I felt like I could withstand the torture yet again.”

“Loving Charlie isn’t torture.”

“No. Loving Charlie makes me believe anything is possible. I’m so scared to believe in that, Nicole. We’ve both been told time and time again, it’s just not true.”

“Guess we’ll have to be the firsts again, baby…” Nicole confirmed as she pressed a kiss to Waverly’s forehead.

* * *

 

They didn’t talk about adoption again.

 

* * *

In late fall, Waverly stood outside their home awaiting her car to the U.S. Marshal’s local office where she was owning her new position as Chief Inspector. She was back to being excited for work everyday, leading the charge from behind a desk was more rewarding than she had ever suspected, and most nights she was home for dinner with her family unless a big case was about to break.  However, in this moment she was growing frustrated because she had planned to spend her free morning churning through several files that had come in on the old human trafficking ring from her last assignment with BBD. Secretly she just wanted one more assurance that no one was coming for Charlie.

She looked up to see an old blue Subaru pulling into the circular drive at the front of their home, one Nicole Haught behind the wheel. Waverly was dumbstruck, but she opened the car door slowly, glancing at her wife all the while, when a cool word filtered from the front of the car.

“You’ve got a lot to handle there. Need some help?”  
  
“I do this every day. I think I’ve got it,” she huffed as she yanked the last bag into the seat beside her and sighed.  
  
“Suit yourself,” was the only reply from Nicole as she pulled slowly away from the curb.

They rode in silence for just a couple of minutes. Then Waverly couldn’t help herself…

“Excuse me…miss…”  
  
“Nicole.”  
  
“Nicole. I’m not sure you heard me, but taking Montauk to Liberty is faster than this route.”  
  
“I know where I’m going, no worries,” responded Nicole, flat and despondent.

A few more moments passed them by and then the charade was up. Nicole looked up into the rearview mirror to see a smile beaming across her wife’s face. “You remembered.”

“I will never forget the first moment I saw you, Waverly. I will never forget anything about how you came into my life,” she affirmed.

“A decade…a decade today,” Waverly realized.

“Don’t tell anyone I’m such a soft gay, Waverly Haught,” Nicole admonished.

“Baby, they already know,” was all she could respond with.

Instead of to work, Nicole took Waverly across the 38th Avenue bridge and then to their park. They sat on a blanket and had breakfast that they had picked up from Sconehenge. They flirted like they were in their twenties again, new and fresh and wildly in love. Waverly thought they had never really changed; it was so easy to adapt to always being new and fresh and wildly in love with Nicole. Everything was an adventure together, even the bad, because they were _a_ _force_

“I would’ve never done this without you, Nicole,” Waverly sighed as she lay on the blanket beside Nicole in the soft haze of late morning.

“Sure you would’ve.”

“I can’t imagine my life without you. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if you hadn’t wrecked the Subaru in Purgatory that night...or if I had walked out of your house and you had let me go…”

“I will never let you go, Waverly.”

“We have a beautiful life. It’s almost perfect…”

“Almost?”

“I just like to leave room that it can always get a schoosh better,” Waverly explained, but inside she knew there was something that would make them whole, complete in a new way. “But all in due time, I suppose…”

“Nothing’s ever stopped us before, Love.”

* * *

The weekend after Thanksgiving, Nicole and Waverly took Charlie on his first ever expedition for a real live Christmas tree. They went to a farm about an hour away, in the old Subaru so that the tree could be strapped across it’s long body, and sang Christmas carols again like their first trip together to the Homestead almost a year before.

It took them a good two hot chocolates to find a tree not too big, not too small, for their family room, and Charlie looked up in amazement at how its gangly limbs stretched skyward, Nicole tempering his concern with the tree-trimming that would occur when they got home. Then he and Mom could decorate it while Nicole cleaned up.

Nicole was beyond excited. For all the times they had fostered children before now, none had been with them at Christmas. It had always been solemnly quiet while she and Waverly trimmed and decorated the tree in years past, music filtering in low, their holiday spirit still tinged with sadness or loneliness. But finally she could buy all the ridiculous toys and sneakers and games that she wanted. Even if this was their only Christmas with Charlie, she wanted it to be...extreme… ‘Extreme’ was the word Waverly had used when they had started planning a few weeks ago. She shrugged; Christmas had never been as much fun as it was set to be this year.

As they watched the workers set the tree against their car, Waverly bent down to show Charlie how they would secure it in order for the safe drive home to Berkeley. Nicole turned to pay and the cashier, an older woman who Nicole suspected owned and ran the tree farm, glowed with appreciation at the three of them.

“Your family is beautiful. Your son was telling me how excited he is for Christmas this year when he was at the cocoa stand earlier. His mother told me that there are some extra special gifts for each of you and oooh did they look sly with those green eyes they both have...well, you must be so proud to see how love radiates from them when they talk about how much they love you, Mama.”

Nicole swallowed the lump in her throat and looked over at Waverly and Charlie, both oblivious to the exponential growth her heart had just experienced. She coughed a bit and signed the receipt, leaving a healthy tip in the jar beside the register before she could even respond.

“I am. I am very blessed.”

* * *

A week later, their Christmas tree adorned to the hilt with lights and sparkly ornaments that Charlie oohed at every time he saw it, Nicole pulled him aside. “We need to talk about what you’re giving Mom for Christmas. Do you have anything in mind?”

“She said she wanted me to stay forever and I told her I was already going to do that, so I’m not sure what to get her now, Mama.”

“She what?”

“Oh…” Charlie blinked, realizing he had almost said too much, “I think some of those fuzzy socks since her feet are always cold and you yelp every night when she puts them against you.”

“Great plan,” was all Nicole knew to say. She bought a box of socks. She wrapped them all individually. She couldn’t wait to see how much Waverly would laugh at them all, each labeled as a gift from someone or something including their dog, Reese.

* * *

Two weeks before Christmas, Waverly’s final report on the human trafficking ring was completed and filed. She sighed as she leaned back in her desk chair. She wanted to tell Nicole, but she needed to talk to Charlie first.

That evening, as they finished their routine, Waverly sat on the edge of Charlie’s bed. She and Nicole took turns each night; tonight was all Waverly’s. She smoothed out the covers, making sure Blue was secured under Charlie’s arm and kissed his forehead.

“Do you still want to give Mama the gift we talked about for Christmas?”

“Yes, did you find out if we could?”

“I found out for sure today. I want you to be certain, Charlie.” she said firm but gentle.

“Where did I come from that you and Mama didn’t know I was yours all along?”

Tears sprang from Waverly’s eyes immediately. She pushed his wavy hair back from his forehead and cleared her throat. “You don’t remember anything that happened last Christmas?”

“I remember waking up in the truck and you were there and there was a light behind you, but that’s all. I just wanted to go home.”

Waverly waited patiently. Charlie had never talked about this with them. They had put him in therapy for months after he came to live with them. Each week their psychologist, Fiona Churchill, had assured them he was making progress, that he had a clear understanding of what had happened and was recovering well. She had made several asides to the fact that his stories were grand in nature, but disregarded it as the imagination of a child. This was the first comment that Charlie had ever made about a home, about going somewhere or being with someone other than them since that first Christmas Eve.

“Where’s home, Charlie?” Waverly asked tentatively.

“Here, Mom. Home is with you and Mama.”

“You didn’t want to go somewhere else when I found you in the truck?” Waverly asked, though part of her was desperate to never ever know this.

“Momma, I love you. You gave me hugs and Blue, and Mama makes me grilled cheese every time I ask and Alice told me all about how much you love each other from before we were ever born and that it was okay to call you my mothers,” he just kept going, one long drawn-out thought on his tiny little life, ”and our house is always warm and I get to go to school and to camp and we have a really big Christmas tree. I will always want to go home because that’s where you are.”

Waverly couldn’t stop herself and she pulled Charlie roughly from the covers of the bed and held him tightly against her, hugging him so closely she wasn’t sure either of them were breathing.

“We will always come home to each other, son. **_Always_ **.”

* * *

The chaos had finally died down once the last of the gifts was unwrapped. Wynonna leaned against Doc and drank a cup of coffee as they watched Alice steering the new bicycle back and forth on the hardwood floor unconsciously, her feet sliding rhythmically as she navigated a new game on her tablet. John Henry shook his head at their efforts to get her outdoors more when all she wanted to do was stare at technology.

Charlie sat on the floor, reading a book about American history, his new obsession. Waverly and Nicole had argued for a millisecond over which books to buy that told the true story of the United States, but Nicole had counseled that Waverly herself would be there to dispute anything that wasn’t accurate. Still, _A People’s History of the United States_ seemed a bit heady reading for an eight year old, yet here he was immersed in the gory details of the founding of the country.

Waverly wandered from the kitchen quietly, feet adorned in the socks that Doc had “given” her surreptitiously, and sat down a cup of tea before turning to Nicole, cocooned in the oversized chair by the fire. She shifted but then met Waverly’s eyes as she held out an envelope.

“One more gift.”

Nicole took the envelope, and pushed her finger under the tab, releasing it. “What’s this?”

“A Christmas card, honey. Surely you’ve seen them before,” Waverly stated with a mysterious glint in her eye.

Nicole proceeded to read the front of the card, then slowly opened it.

 

_Someone who is very sweet and loved a whole lot, too…_

 

_…is going to get this Christmas wish, and Mama, that means you!_

 

Nicole’s heart sped up immediately as the words trickled into her subconscious. She looked up at Waverly, eyes lighting.

“I hope you still want us to adopt Charlie because, after my case closed last week, he became legally free. I picked up the papers and we can file as soon as you’re ready.”

Nicole leapt from the chair and picked up Waverly, twirling her around in glee. “Yeah??”

“Yes!” Waverly laughed.

Nicole dropped Waverly back to her toes and slid up behind Charlie, picking him up and tumbling him almost over her shoulder, “You’re going to be ours!” she chanted as she flew him around the room, a human airplane. On the fourth twirl through the living room, he patted her cheeks and pleaded, “No more, I feel woozies…”

She brought him down to cradle in her arms for a moment before sitting him in the same chair she had occupied moments ago. “Sorry, Charlie,” she breathed.

“No Mama, no sorry’s. Mom said this means we’ll always be together.”

“Yes, that’s right, if it’s what you want too.”

Waverly came to stand behind Nicole then, waiting together to know how the rest of their lives would go. She leaned in and pressed a kiss behind Nicole’s ear, whispering “I love you” in the way only Nicole could hear.

Nicole grasped her hand, her eyes shining with tears, and turned to lock eyes with Waverly. “I love _you_. Thank you, Waverly.”

Waverly threaded their fingers, squeezing Nicole’s hand and looked at Charlie, already knowing his answer was yes, seeing that Nicole would finally hear their promise of forever this one last time, knowing that ultimately, love's the only thing we leave behind.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you ALWAYS to my cohort, my beta, the Tigger to my Eeyore, my friend @LuckyWantsToKnow. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has proclaimed their love for LOHBTOS and the series it inspired. I hope you see a glimpse of yourselves here in some way.


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